~being a beach butterfly~

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

I hate doing essays. they fuck me up big time. By the time they're due I'm so mad at myself I'm ready to pull my own hair out.

The thing is -- I cram. It seems it couldn't be helped. It runs in our blood and it was intravaneously injected to our systems in highschool. My mum's always rushing to the airport to catch her flights, my sisters I'm sure are just like me, my dad.. well when we were all still together he gets so frustrated on sundays coz we're always late for church.

I always leave things for the last minute. the thing is.. i have no excuse.. essay questions are always given way in advance to give us ample time to pick a question, do substantial research and put together a coherent piece. But I always end up waiting 3 (if i'm feeling particularly antsy about the paper) 0r 2 days before i actually do the work. When we're given the questions, i'd pick one.. write it in block letters and tack it to my cork board. Then it will stay there for weeks begging to be noticed until the time comes when i actually have only a few days to get it going.

it's not like i don't have the time. I have heaps of that.. (well maybe not) but still.. i'm sure there's at least an hour a day i can put aside to contribute at least a paragraph - had i done that weeks ago, i would have been finished by now.

And it's not as if I'm one of those students who don't care about their grades. I do! I live for the look on my parents' proud faces when i tell them I got good marks. And i am interested in my subjects. it's just that I'm a natural born crammer.

i don't give myself enough time to do my work; consequently, i feel like i always hand in half-assed essays. But i've been lucky so far - coz the people whose opinions actually matter don't think my work's bullshit (even if most of it is) - i haven't received a mark lower than a Distinction.

So what am i ranting about? I'm just scared shitless that one day when i pass yet another half-assed essay I'd fall flat on my face - and all i've got the right to say is - i so deserve that.

beachbutterfly babbled @ 6:23 PM |

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: Name: beachbutterfly; Location: Canberra, Australian Capital Territory, Australia

i'm always on the verge of going somewhere else. Not one to settle, i've lived in 7 cities, 4 countries.. and well.. i intend to keep on counting. i live for travelling, shopping, making my parents proud, going to the beach, hanging out with people as insane as i am, boozing and ummm.. having the freedom to be the occasional bum

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