~being a beach butterfly~

Monday, February 07, 2005

on on-line friendships, taking chances & having coffee

I won't pretend to be a saint who has never done insane things in my life -- far from it.. I've done a lot of crazy things i wouldn't even begin to tell y'all. But to some extent I'm still traditional. I've always preferred face-to-face meeting and I'm not one to send random text messages or go on-line to meet people. I find nothing wrong with that.. it's just not me.I even reject friend requests in friendster from people I don't know (i'm not a snob.. i just don't see the point). But I joined a new network that allows me to send free text messages and somehow I went lax on that personal rule and i've begun adding people i don't know. And this guy who's in my network has asked me to go out for coffee.

I wrote a paper about this -- on line friendships and relationships -- for my Interet Media class. My conclusion goes something like people on line only show you a fraction of themselves. The good thing about meeting people on line is that you can reinvent yourself to appear as likable as you can possibly be. People, therefore should take other people at 'interface value' (Turkle 2000) and remain cautious and vigilant when dealing with people in cyberspace. People on the internet aren't as 'real' as you perceive them to be.

But then i looked back on the people I've come to know through the web through the years (there's only been a couple) and I realized.. these people are as real to me as the people who's been introduced to me in person...

There's Ray from Canada who I used to chat with back when I was in Kazahksan. He would always be on-line whenever I came home from our frequent night outs (it was friggin cold.. and there was nothing better to do out there but get smashed with cheap russian vodka!). Every night (morning in his side of the world) we'll chat and he'll tell me how bitchfull his morning is turning out to be.. and i'd rant and rave about how I'm surviving in the land of flowing Vodka. I've never met this guy in my life.. and i was only introduced to him by a mutual friend (thanks pao!). Does the fact that we've only gotten to know each other through MSN messenger make him less real? Not at all.. I've had my most candid conversations with this guy and he kept me company through all those winter and drunken nights.

There's Johann from Puerto Rico (he's all the way in the opposite side of the globe) who I met through this blog. His comments are ever-present in my posts. He encourages me to keep blogging and he has helped me a hell lot in figuring out the complicated (it's complicated to me coz I'm technologically challenged) workings of my blog. Is he any less real because I've only met him through this blog? no.. i do't think so.. he was right here with me when I was commiserating over Java scripts, htmls and dysfunctional keyboards.

So back to the guy who asked me for coffee..I asked my sister and my bestfriend for advice and they both encouraged me to go through with it (i shouldn't put to much weight on what they're saying though-- they're both avidly waiting for some development in my social life..that's how boring my life has been lately). They fed me with all the 'seize the day' and 'what have you got to lose anyway?' cliches appropriate for this situation.

And then i had a think about it.. what have I got to lose?!
Well.. my pride for one. What if i turn up and he decides I'm not as good as my profile and my picture makes me out to be? i mean.. i couldn't adjust the color and the angles in real life, could I? What if he decides I'm a bore? I have heaps of insecurities about myself.. what if he confirms all my hang ups? I've always hated being judged by other people.. and does the real me measure up to what people see when they read my profile or see my pictures on line?!

besides.. I'm not exactly ready to be meeting new people just yet.
I have yet to completely get over the guy i broke up with months ago. But who says I'm going to have a relationship with this guy anyway? Coffee is a long way from a relationship. SO i doubt i should worry about that.

So what have i finally decided after i've poured out to u unwitting readers my fears, insecurities and doubts about this 'coffee' thing? I figured.. if it doesn't work out then i can chalk it up as another misadventure in my life.. if it does turn out well.. I would have gained a new friend. i think in a city i'll be spending three years in.. i can never have enough friends.. a friend, regardless of how i met him. would be most welcome in my life. The way I figure it there's a 50-50 chance this will go well.. It's a toss up really. So wish me luck!

beachbutterfly babbled @ 11:44 AM |

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: Name: beachbutterfly; Location: Canberra, Australian Capital Territory, Australia

i'm always on the verge of going somewhere else. Not one to settle, i've lived in 7 cities, 4 countries.. and well.. i intend to keep on counting. i live for travelling, shopping, making my parents proud, going to the beach, hanging out with people as insane as i am, boozing and ummm.. having the freedom to be the occasional bum

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